My Wishful Thinking
by Glamagirl
Summary: He fell in love with his best friend and now he has to learn how to live with that feeling. Jericho/Christian Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anyone in this story… it sucks but what can I do right?

**A/N** This story is slash and while it's not graphic or even too smutty it may have some content that can offend you, that's if you don't like slash stories, take that as a warning. Also, I got inspired to write this after listening to a song called, _If It Kills Me_ by Jason Mraz, it's the second time that song inspired me! Lol… Other than that enjoy and let me know what you think xD

**My Wishful Thinking**

There's nothing worse in the world than falling in love with your best friend; and when I say falling in love I mean real love, not that temporary malady called infatuation that seems to have infected half the population.

I'm talking about the real thing here.

Some idealists say that this is the best type of love because you know this other person inside and out; you know the good, the bad and the ugly and if you've stuck around after knowing those there's a good chance that you will keep around for the long run.

I say that's the stupidest load of crap I've ever heard in my life!

Have these idealists ever heard the term 'not reciprocate'? Because I have, I know what it means by experience because I fell in love with my best friend and there's no chance that I'll have that feeling returned.

Instead of having that awesome period of bliss following realization I have to be content with what I have; I have to keep the feeling locked inside of me while I see this person almost every day of my life. I stick around while we eat together, I watch in silence while we travel together, I try to suffocate my feelings while we train together… see, not so great after all.

But I'm not bitter, there are some things that are not meant to be and this is one of them. It's not like I can go to this person and spill my heart out and expect something good out of it. On the contrary, some kind of cataclysm could happen if I ever confess.

Why? Well, because this best friend of mine happens to be a man. I'm a man, he's a man and he's not into other men.

See, idealists know crap about things…

But like I said, I'm not bitter. I'm not the first man in the world who will have a love not reciprocated and I'm sure as hell won't be the last.

Eh, but it kind of sucks because once you start seeing that person as something more than a friend there's no way of going back; and it's not like I planned on it, it just happened. One day I found myself thinking that he's such a good friend, on how funny he is… that he's not bad to look at and then BAM! Next thing I know is that he's the one person I can only imagine myself with…

Yeah it's messy… and melodramatic but such is life.

At least I get to stick around. Like now, after a late show some of the guys decided to go out for a few drinks and we both tagged along. I'm not really into the whole bar hoping thing but after a night not so long ago when I had to bail him out of jail I decided to start going with him in his little misadventures… you know, just to keep an eye on him and stuff.

Call it bonding time if you will, I do it just to make sure he makes it back in one piece. Now the night is over and as many nights before he ends up wasted and me taking care of him.

Now I'm dragging him along the corridor of the hotel, pursing my lips because he is pushing all his weight against me and it makes it a bit harder to move on.

"We'll both fall in the middle of this damn hotel if you keep pushing me" I grunt and he straightens a little, relieving some the pressure from my shoulder.

All the way through he is singing so he's not as wasted as he could be, trust me, I've seen it all.

So I guess this is the ugly part of Chris, as of late he is liking his GG way too much and like the good, loyal friend that I am I always end up dragging him back to his or my room, bailing him out of jail and sometimes listening about the sorrows that overwhelm his soul.

Tonight is to my room that we go, and judging by the somehow moderate amount of liquor he downed I don't think he'll give me too much trouble. Maybe some small talk about something he found amusing and then he'll pass out.

It's a routine, tomorrow he'll wake up as if nothing ever happened…

But don't get me wrong, it's not like this happens every night and I'm not saying that our friendship is based on me taking care of him. When I say that he is my best friend is because he is, he has been there for me in rough times as I have been for him. We have known each other for years now and ever since we get along pretty well.

But anyway, back to the present. With some effort I manage to get us to my door and eventually into my room, once inside he removes his arm from my shoulder and walks directly to my bed, falling backwards on top of it.

I arch an eyebrow and take a quick look at him, he has his eyes closed and is unmoving, giving me the impression that he already passed out.

"Great" I mumble, kicking my shoes off. That I'm in love with him doesn't mean that I'll let him pass some things, I mean I'm tired and I was hoping for a good night sleep, one that didn't involve a Canadian drunk taking over my bed.

Taking a deep breath, I walk to the bed and nudge at him. "Hey… why don't you take over the couch over there" I say, but nothing, he's out.

I blink a few times and drag my hand down my face, pouting a bit because I really want my bed and he's sprawled all over it. I nudge at him again. "Chris!"

"I'm sleeping" He mumbles and I frown.

"You can't be asleep if you are talking you dork, move over to the couch"

"I'm sleeping" He says again.

I chuckle and fold my arms up to my chest, watching him. "You know, next time I'll leave you somewhere on the streets, drunk and out of your mind"

He shifts. "You won't, you love me too much to abandon me"

At his words I feel my muscles tense a bit. He doesn't know so he can't be talking about real love, like the one I feel for him, he must be talking about brotherly love…

I shake my head, no… he doesn't know so there's no reason to freak out. To him I love him because he's my friend and maybe in his mind he loves me too… not like I would like to though.

"I might if you don't move over, come on" I reach forward and grab his forearms, trying to pull him out of bed, but he's not cooperating. "Bastard" I say with a chuckle "I don't even know why I'm friends with you" I say as I pull harder.

This time I manage to lift him up but when he is almost in a sitting position he pulls me to him and goes back to lay in bed; if it wasn't because I'm sober and he is not I would have end up sprawled on top of him… luckily, or unluckily, I only stumble and with my hands firm against the bed I just hover over him.

This is the time I stand up and tell him I'll kick his ass if he doesn't get off my bed at the count of three, but he is holding my arms and those stunning blue eyes of his are fixed on mine… I feel like I can't move.

"You have pretty eyes" He mumbles and I snort, not because of the compliment but because I was thinking the same about his eyes… weird.

"Well thank you, but I would like to rest these eyes so please get off my bed"

He doesn't respond and I watch as his eyes go half close… for a moment I think he is going to sleep but then I realize that he's staring at my lips.

"Or I can take the couch… after a few years of marriage I got use to it, Denise liked to send me there when she was mad… I didn't like it… and I, we got divorced" And why am I rambling about such stupid things? This is Chris, a drunk Chris… "I think I better take the couch" I breathe out and really, why is so hot in this room all of a sudden… I feel like my face and part of my body is on fire, the parts that are making contact with him.

It's not like I haven't been this close to him before, we are wrestlers and we have wrestled against each other. That involves more physical contact that the one we are having now…

But it's not the contact, it's the way he stares from my eyes to my lips, it's the fact that we are alone in this room… in my bed of all places, it's the way I can feel his breathing against my face.

"Have you ever kissed a man, Jay?"

Wow… "Sure, my dad and my brothers… does kids count? Because I have a few nephews…"

"That's not what I mean" He says, his eyes fixed on mine once again. "I mean like in a friend"

"What?" I chuckle and to my ears it sounds like I'm about to freak out; but even though I'm still unable to move. "You are drunk"

"You are a good friend" He says and I'm glad that he changed the subject about kissing friends, but then he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.

I pull back, not because I didn't like what he did but because he's drunk, he's drunk and I'm not… "What are you doing?"

Instead of gracing me with a response he moves his hand from my arm to the back of my head, forcing my head down and back against his lips.

He kisses me, small and sweet little kisses that make my heart halt for a second. It's like he is testing the waters and I'll be lying if I said that I don't like this. After all this is Chris, my friend and the one I love.

Soon he goes from the soft kisses to pressing his lips hard against mine, applying pressure and dwelling a bit more… it doesn't feel real… I still can't move. But then he parts his lips, his warm tongue peeking out and softly brushing against my lips.

I take this as my go and my tongue ventures pass my lips as well, making a brief apparition where it touches his also venturing tongue. It was subtle; enough for me to take a small taste of him… it made me want more.

My hands are still resting against the mattress, I feel them trembling and about to give in so I put all my effort so they would keep supporting me.

Breathing in and drinking in the moment I swallow hard, feeling as he goes to repeat it again; I do too, our tongues meeting a couple of times briefly before retreating, it goes on until I take the step to go a bit further by pushing into his mouth, kissing him deep and slowly, tasting and exploring at will.

He doesn't pull back and he doesn't protest, he just kisses me back, one hand still at the nape of my neck and the other sliding down my back. In that moment I have a moment of clarity, one that tells me that he is drunk and that I'm taking advantage of him.

What am I doing?

I pull back, my breathing a bit labored. I'm sure that my face is flushed; it's a mix of shame and desire… I mean, with just that kiss my body is in full alert, especially the part that wants to rip through my pants. This is wrong… "I'm sorry… I shouldn't…"

I don't finish the sentence, not because I don't want to but because before I could do it he pushes his hips against mine, letting me feel that I'm not the only one that has problems inside the pants.

"Chris" I whisper, my voice coming out strained. "You are drunk" I say again, but once again he doesn't mind what I'm saying, he just takes one of my hands in his and presses it against the bulge in his pants.

Even through the fabric he feels hot and swollen, I never thought I would be touching him like this and I can't imagine how it would feel to touch him without those clothes. Glorious, I bet…

With one hand it's hard to maintain my balance so I gather all my will and back away from him, bringing by hand away from him.

You see, I love this man… I really do, and because I do I can't take advantage of him. Sure, he's the one getting friendly but he is drunk. Everyone knows it's like an unspoken rule that you can't make out with a drunk friend and I broke it, I can't let it get farther than it has.

"We shouldn't be doing this" I say… not wanting to but someone has to do it. I mean this is all I ever wanted and then more… but I can't. "I mean, I…"

"Jay, you talk too much" He says before taking a deep breath, his eyes shutting down while a faint smile appears on his lips.

I watch him for what feels like a few minutes, blinking a few times before smiling as well. Does he knows? Could it be that he figured me out or is this some random event never to happen again?

I want it to be more, but I can't tell or even attempt to carry on while he is like this. I can't risk it…

But then again he was the one kissing me, he kissed me!

I run my tongue through my bottom lip, watching him. His breathing is even and his features are relaxed… I think this time he really went to sleep.

"Jerk, if it wasn't because I love you…" If it wasn't because of that… oh but there is always tomorrow… and maybe tomorrow my wishful thinking can become my reality.

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

First of all I want to thank cherrycokerocks for giving me the motivation of adding another chapter to this story; she gave me some great ideas to go on! Thank you girl! I'm really glad you guys liked this and I also want to say a big thanks for your reviews, they are always great and make me want to keep writing! Thanks xD

**My Wishful Thinking**

Today is going to be a good day.

I can feel it, I can feel it in my mind and I can feel it in my gut. Sure I had to lay in the couch all night long and that never puts me in a good mood, especially when I wake up to a sore back. But last night, as I lay there, high and alert my back was the last thing in my mind.

It wasn't either when I woke up this morning.

My mind was and still is compromised with the man that took over my bed, replaying over and over again that kiss, thinking about the possibilities it could carry and what does it really means.

I replayed the moment more than a few times, and every time the scene revived inside my head one little thing stood out; he was the one who kissed me, I mean Chris was the one who _kissed_ _me_.

It still feels surreal, the way those stunning eyes delved into mine, the feeling of his lips, the taste of his tongue moving against mine… how he felt hot and ready as I touched him.

I mean that couldn't be alcohol talking, I've known him for a long time and he never gets touchy friendly while drunk. In fact, when drunk he just gets silly, annoying or in some rare occasions depressed, it all depends on his mood and the amount of GG he drinks; but never in all the years I know him he had gotten kissy, touchy-friendly… at least not with me.

There's that, and then there's that smile he send my way before passing out on me. When my mind was not replaying the kiss it replayed that smile…

That smile talked about possibilities and no regrets… or that's how I see it, because if it was alcohol talking he wouldn't have smiled at me that way… or would he?

While my mind flies away with all these images and memories I hear I grunt, I don't have to look to know it's Chris because… well, because he's the only one here besides me. So I don't have to look, but I do anyways, watching as he sit on the bed and starts to rub at his face with the palm of his hands.

His short blonde hair is all messy and his jaw is shadowed by a light stubble… honestly he looks like hell, but if anyone can put that look and get away with it that's Chris.

I've seen him like this before, so when he gets up to his feet and almost blindly starts to walk around I know that he'll end up in the bathroom. There he'll be a few minutes before walking out…

So I watch him get into the bathroom and then I wait, sitting by the small table in the room while I cradle a cup of coffee in my hand. I woke up early this morning and went to get something to eat, I brought for two…

While I wait I start to get antsy, I mean I was doing alright with my memories and stuff but now that he's awake I feel the full weight of reality hit me.

He's awake and when he gets out of the bathroom he's going to face me and the fact that we made out last night. I don't know how this will play and that's why I'm feeling so nervous… I mean this is Chris, we are friends, we have known each other for years and this is a turning point for us.

Maybe he regrets it and doesn't want it to happen again, in the worst case scenario he can be mad because I let it happen while his mind wasn't in the best of places… what if he hates me now?

Somehow I'm not sure if this is going to be a good day after all, it could turn out to be the worst day ever.

After a while I see him get out of the bathroom and as if in slow motion I watch as he approaches me, when he gets to the table he takes the only chair available and pulls it next to mine.

"I feel like a truck hit me and then ran over me" He grunts, reaching for the cup I have in my hands and drinking from it.

Now that was my coffee…

"I'm never, ever drinking again" He vows, still looking groggy as his eyes stare at the wall in front of him.

"I've heard that before" I say, almost in a whisper as I venture to take a look at him… I'm here getting more antsy by the second.

"Hmmm, I mean it now. My head is killing me and I feel like shit, I don't like feeling like shit on travel days" He says, drinking my coffee.

I nod, not saying anything because really, what can I say? Does he even remember what happened last night? It's not like he kissing me is something he would pass out in conversation… or what do I know, it's not like we've been in a situation like this before.

I bit on my lower lip and stare at the table, waiting, thinking… and as the seconds go away with neither of us talking I start to feel… I don't know, disappointed? "You were really out of it last night…" I say, trying to gauge his reaction and see if he remembers.

He chuckles and runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes moving to me, finally. "That bad?"

I sigh. His eyes are not telling me anything of kisses or inappropriate touches, what I see is that he doesn't remember a damn thing. That I got my hopes up for nothing… "That bad… maybe you should stop with the GG because I don't want to spend all my nights looking after you"

He does a double take and his eyes widen a bit. "Whoa, are you mad? What did I do now?"

Am I mad? I don't know if I'm mad, all I know is that he doesn't remember! And if he doesn't remember it means that he was wasted out of his mind and that I, his supposed to be best friend took advantage of that…

That doesn't only makes me the worst of friends but also a horrible person.

"I'm not mad, I just want to take a shower" I get up to my feet without looking at him. "When you get out lock the door" With that I walk away and get into the bathroom, closing the door and resting my back against it.

God I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have let it go that far; as the sober one I should have pulled away the moment he dragged me with him to bed, I should have stopped him! But no, stupid Jason got carried away and took advantage of drunk Chris, and instead of confessing what happened as I should I run and hide in the bathroom.

Dragging my hand down my face I take a deep breath that's supposed to calm me. I'm worth shit as a friend, and I'm supposed to be in love with him!

But what should I do, tell him everything and risk it all? Or should I keep quiet, pretend it never happened and wait and see if one day he remembers? But if he remembers by his own he'll end up hating me the same…

I screwed up!

Wanting to gather my thoughts I strip off my clothes and get into the shower, once I'm fresh and relaxed I'll feel better and I'll think things over. I'll think on what to do and what to tell him.

Turning the spray of water on I close my eyes and let it wash over me, while I'm here I don't want to think, I need my mind blank so I can plan on something.

"Jay?"

My eyes open abruptly when I hear that voice and I tense a bit, he sounds way too close, like right inside the bathroom.

I look around, the curtain is closed but I hear movement…

"Have you heard of the term privacy, I'm taking a shower here" I say and once again my tone sounds angry. I shouldn't be angry at him, I should be angry with myself… hell, he should be angry at me too.

"Come on, I know that you shower with all your cats lurking around and that's not very private…"

I soap quickly, rinsing… "I don't have any cats; Denise took them all with her"

"What a bitch, she didn't even like the cats" He says pulling the curtain open and peeking inside.

"Chris!" I pull the curtain close, turn off the shower and grab a towel to wrap around my waist. When I pull the curtain open he's there, standing with his arms up his chest.

"Tell me, what did I do?"

I take a deep breath and holding the towel secure I look down to the floor. I can't tell him… he'll hate me and our friendship will be over.

He chuckles. "Did I cause a scene? Did I get in jail or threw up all over you?"

I shake my head and mumble. "It wasn't you… I kind of kissed you" There it is, it's out… it's over.

"You what?"

"It was an accident, I didn't mean to… I mean you were drunk and I wasn't and I don't know how it happened, I'm sorry I should have stopped you but then… I'm sorry"

I can't even look at him, I feel bad, really bad. Hopefully he'll see it as… an accident and he won't hate me for it.

"So you kissed me while I was drunk" It wasn't a question, maybe he's trying to assimilate it, maybe he is starting to get angry at me…

"Well, you were the one who kissed me but you were drunk, you were not in your right mind and I don't know why I didn't stop you, I should have"

There is a moment of silence, it lasts too long…

"Did you want to stop it?"

I bring my hand up to my face and run my fingers through my eyebrow. If I tell him that I wanted to stop it maybe we'll put this behind us as something that shouldn't have happened, but if I tell him the truth… I don't know what can happen then.

My fingers are still on my brow and if I keep them rubbing I'll take my skin off, but what can I do, I don't know what to do or what to say.

"Jay…" He says and I'm almost tempted to look up at him, almost… "I know about the kiss, it's not like I was drunk out of my mind"

This time I look up at him, finding his eyes scanning my face. "You remember?"

"Of course I do"

I'm still staring at him… "But you didn't say anything"

"Neither did you"

My hand drops to my neck and is stays there. He remembers… and if he wasn't that drunk then that means it wasn't alcohol talking… he kissed me because… because he wanted to?

I don't say anything, and while we both stand facing each other I see him get a bit closer… then a bit more until he is just inches away from me…

It just gets to me that I'm wearing nothing that a towel.

"Then what does this all means?" I say while my eyes fix on his; I'm hoping… he is so very close that if I lean forward I'll be kissing him… but somehow I'm afraid to take that step.

As an answer he is the one that leans forward to brush his lips with mine. It's not a real kiss and more of a brief meeting of lips; he pulled away before I could even grasp the feeling.

But he didn't pull away that far, just enough so he could take a look into my eyes.

Chris has stunning eyes, up close they are even more breathtaking, just one look and I'm doomed, stunned and at a loss of words. This can mean so much, because not only does he remember the kiss, he was the one who started it and as things are going he could pretty much kiss me again…

"It means that I kissed you" He presses his lips to mine, briefly. "And that I want to kiss you again"

That's all it takes for me to be the one kissing him. It's not a forceful kiss or even a needy one; I just touch his lips with mine, a little chaste smooch. He returns it and before he can pull away I cradle the back of his head with my hand, securing him against me so I can feel a while longer the feeling of his soft lips on mine.

I'm tentative with this because even though I've been keeping my feelings for him guarded I'm no expert when it comes to this, and when I say this I mean kissing friends, man-friends…

It may sound weird because after all, I'm in love with one, but like I said before, this wasn't something that I planned, it just happened and that we are here doing this feels surreal.

Going back to what's going on, I move my hand up so I can run my fingers through his hair, and while I do this he nudges at my lips, asking for entrance. Of I grant it, taking a deep breath against his lips as our tongues meet again, sliding against each other, getting familiar.

It feels great, he feels great… and what feels even greater are his hands sliding down my sides and coming to a stop at the towel.

With a swift movement he takes it away… in that moment I mean to break apart, but he pulls me closer to him and I feel his arousal pressing against my own. It's enough to stop me from pulling away.

He is still clothed so he feels rough against my naked flesh, rough but so hard and inviting. It feels obscene, I like it.

Starting to participate more I reach to take his shirt away, tossing it aside once it's off and not caring where it landed; he doesn't care either because once it's off we are back to kissing and touching and the next thing I know is that his pants are going down and that's his boxers went down with them and that we are now flesh to flesh.

Hot and bared against each other.

Maybe this is too much too soon but this is Chris! If he isn't pulling back then neither I am.

But then he does pull away… his breathing labored and his erection pressing insistently against mine.

"Is this too much?" He asks in a whisper while his hand reaches down to grab me… I gasp; moving my hands to his hips, pulling him closer as he firmly runs his hand up and down my length.

Not even in my wildest dreams I thought that we could end up like this. I didn't have an idea of how he was behind closed doors so it feels a bit awkward… not enough to want it to end but… I don't know, this is Chris, and his hand is in my fucking cock.

"I don't know" I breathe out, my eyes going down between our bodies to see my hand reaching to touch him too. It does feel glorious, he is hot and hard and all because of me… "To tell you the truth I can't think straight right now" I chuckle, feeling flustered.

He smiles before kissing me again and then we resume what we were doing, drinking from each other and taking whatever the other has to give, the momentum building as we pant and moan against each other.

His hand picked up a steady rhythm and it clouds my mind, all I can think is that he's touching me and that I'm touching him and that if he keeps like that I'll end up making a mess out of his hand.

It's just a hand job, but damn it feels fucking good. I break off the kiss to tell him that, but before I could speak he locks his eyes with mine and utters a strangled moan that sends chills down my spine and directly to my groin. It made me forget what I was about to say and I just focus on his face, noticing the blush that has taken over him and how his eyes are a darker shade of blue.

He is a sight to be seen… with his moist lips parted and his breathing ragged… but then as I watch and feel he swirls me around until I'm pressed against the wall. He grinds against me, one of his hand going to my ass while the other one takes hold of his own cock as well, jerking it with mine and pushing his body to me.

"You keep doing that and I'll cum all over you" I grunt as a warning but he doesn't listen, he goes back to kiss me and before I could stop it my arousal gives a violent jerk in his hand and then I'm spilling everything I have.

I moan and throw my head back, feeling my legs about to give up as my release washes through me; meanwhile both his hands are on me and that just adds to everything.

It wasn't soon after that I feel him tense against me and he moans low in his throat. I hold him, my hands going to his hips and pulling him as close as I can get him, crushing his cock against mine as he lets go too.

The sounds he makes are motivating to say the least, the way his eyes shut and he bites at his lips astounding… I can watch him all day if I could. Of course I could think of a few things we can do all day too, and they involve more than watching.

As we both get back from our high I let out a deep breath, I feel like grinning and I do… closing my eyes as my head rests against the wall behind me. "That was…" Phenomenal… this is the kind of bonding I'd like to repeat many times, maybe a bit more next time.

"It was" Chris breathes out and I open my eyes to him.

"I know…" I mean it wasn't bad for a start. I breathe out, still grinning. I feel sticky, a mix of both our essences… and my hands are still on his hips so I press him closer before capturing his lips with mine.

It wasn't too much after all; it's never too much when it comes to the one you love. Yeah we took a wild turn in our friendship, a big step; we shattered all boundaries as we let ourselves be carried away in a wave of lust and desire.

But it's not all about that, yeah I loved it and I'm sure that as we start to get more into this things behind closed doors will only get better; but it's much more, I love him and he is all I ever wanted. Now my wishful thinking is more of a reality, we can't go back from this, I can't… and I have a feeling, a good feeling that Chris doesn't want to back away from this either.

Yeah, I knew that today was going to be a good day, the best of them all.

~*Fin*~


End file.
